The Unromantic History Of Waiting To See The Bride
I’m a huge advocate for a first look on wedding days. In my first few years of shooting weddings, I used to push them because I selfishly got more portrait time. A lot has changed and now that’s actually the last reason that I prioritize working with couples who do a first look.
The most common reason that couples give me for not wanting to share a first look is because they don’t want to break a tradition or receive bad luck.
Well, I’m here to tell you… that “tradition” is actually really disgusting. Before you cling to that and thing that it’s deeply romantic, let me share the reason why it was bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony.
“But merely being tradition does not make something worthy.
We can’t just assume that because something is old it is right.”
Marriages used to be for financial gain, power and political alliances (think: Game of Thrones / Reign on Netflix / any basic world history class). Parents, advisors, elders and royalty would arrange marriages for the gain of their family or business as a whole - not for love. There is a lot of controversy surrounding arranged marriages in 2020 because they do still exist in some societies but in the 18th century and prior, they were standard and common.
It was bad luck for the parents and families for a groom to see his intended bride before the ceremony because what if he saw her and she was… not his type (to put it politely)? Or if she saw him, had those same feelings, panicked and ran away?
This is the same reason the bride wore a veil to cover her face until the ceremony was finished. Veils used to be thicker and made of dark fabric to completely conceal the bride’s face until the marriage was completed when the groom would lift the veil.
When marriages were for money or political alliances, you wanted to minimize anything that could jeopardize that union until it was sealed. Mind you, this was also back in a time where parents or a clergyman would witness the consummation to ensure that it happened but that makes me queasy to think about so we’ll just leave it at that.
The tradition of the groom waiting to see the bride isn’t special.
It’s gross.
I recommend first looks for a myriad of reasons but let me in on the best little secret… my couples who do a first look always have bigger, more emotional reactions than ones who wait to see each other at the altar anyway.
So, there you have it. The tradition of waiting to see each other.
Do you still think that it’s romantic?