Vaila Marigold's Birth Story

This post is quite long but I want to be able to read through and remember the details of Vaila’s birth years from now! If you like birth stories (I love reading them!!!), you probably will appreciate the detail but yes, it’s long! In reality, this post is for ME.

I feel like every birth story needs a preface - to understand the place of mind that the mother is coming from, her backstory, her hopes and her preferences. So bear with me while I explain a bit about what I was hoping for going into Vaila’s birth.

Our fertility doctor, who is super special to us and a very important part of our lives and story now, described herself as “an interventionist” when talking to me about her own births. We had, what felt like, so much intervention to get to the point of being able to think about birth, that I wanted the total opposite - I thought. I wanted to be able to trust my body (after losing a lot of trust in it for three years) and just bring this baby into the world as hands-off as possible. I love the way she described her preferences though and it really is a reminder that all women and families approach birth with different mindsets.

I sought out midwifery care but was also seen by nurse practitioners for my pregnancy. We opted to deliver in a hospital but one that had a birth-center approach. I had access to a tub to labor in, a shower, birth and peanut balls, midwives, the ability to wear my own clothes and use essential oils but also pharmacological pain relief, emergency medical attention if necessary, monitoring and other normal hospital birth things!

We didn’t have a birth plan but I had a list of preferences that included most importantly, laboring down (more on this later because it was the most incredible thing), no coached or guided pushing, catching my own baby, wearing my own clothes and freedom of movement. I was open to pharmacological pain relief but wanted to utilize everything else available to me first and not be asked about medications.

My most ideal birth would have been fully unmedicated if you had asked me a month ago. But our situation didn’t entirely allow for that. Reflecting back a week later, I loved V’s birth and I’d do it all over again. So, moving on…

WEDNESDAY, MAY 12:

We saw a lot of 11’s throughout my pregnancy with Vaila and our family and closest friends started seeing them too. We had 11 mature eggs after egg retrieval, when I left the OR after transfer the clock read 11:11 AM, we got the NIPT results back on 11/11 and we started to see 11’s everywhere every single day. Plus, it’s my favorite number. So I kept thinking, 05/11 will be her birthday.

When I was still pregnant on the 12th, which was my 39 week mark, I was sort of disappointed. I woke up and decided to take one last trip to the grocery store to stock up on a few things and just be out of the house alone.

I went to Target and Lidl and when I walked into Lidl I felt a very small pop up close to my diaphragm and a few minutes later thought I had sort of peed myself a tiny little dribble. At this point in my pregnancy though, that wasn’t totally uncommon because baby had been sitting down very low in my pelvis for a long time. Pee happens.

I got home, told Kyle and kept an eye on it. I was 90% sure that my water had broken and was going to be a slow trickle. Throughout the day, I waited for some contractions and didn’t have any that I could feel other than a non-painful tightening. The trickle of fluid was SO VERY little that I started to lose confidence that it was amniotic fluid. I had my 39 week OB appointment scheduled for 8 AM the next morning so I figured I would mention it then and expected my nurse practitioner to run some tests.

My thought process was that if my water had broken, I know it’s an infection risk to wait for too long (for me and baby) but if it was my water and that was confirmed at 8 AM the next morning, we’d still be in a safe window and I wanted to give labor a chance to start on its own as much as possible.

THURSDAY, MAY 13:

4 AM: I couldn’t sleep whatsoever, had endless energy and woke up to clean the house, do all of the laundry and prep our guest room for my mom who would be staying with Butters, our dog, for a few nights whenever we got admitted.

8 AM: I was at the doctor and told her about the fluid and my suspicion that my water had broken. She did two tests - one the pH strip and one the fluid on a slide to look for ferning (amniotic fluid has salts in it that when they dry make a fern pattern). In the meantime, she also stripped my membranes and did a cervical check - I was the same as I had been for 2 weeks - 1 cm, 70% effaced, -2 station.

The pH strip was initially negative and she didn’t see any ferning. Her verdict was it wasn’t my waters and we talked about scheduling post-dates testing for every other day (ultrasound + non-stress test) and an induction on 05/24 if I went that late (40 weeks, 5 days) because I was uncomfortable going to 41 due to knowing our precise due date with IVF.

I had asked Kyle to flex his hours and drive me to my appointment… just in case. We also loaded all of the labor and postpartum bags into the car and both were hopeful that we were having a baby that day! But I sort of laughed and thought… I’m going to look back and think I was totally clueless and I’ll be pregnant for 2 more weeks.

Right before I left the office, she picked up the pH strip and it had turned positive. She asked us to head to the main office of my OB/GYN at the hospital and she called ahead for another round of tests. Kyle took PTO for the remainder of the day and we drove the 30 minutes to the hospital.

10 AM: The doctor seeing urgent visits that day counseled us on the unlikeliness that it was my waters but that he’d run another test anyway. This time he did a cervical check with a speculum to look visually for pooling or fluid leaking which was negative. I tried to explain that it was a slow, slow leak and I thought it was up high (hindwaters). He also ran the pH test which was positive again and the ferning test which was still negative. However, the AmniSure ROM Test, which is the one I was sent to the hospital to get was positive this time.

This doctor was so skeptical and said it was because I had my membranes stripped and there was blood making the test a false positive. We were sent for an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels and told if they were within a normal range, we were going home. He did not think it was waters.

3 PM: After driving an hour home from the hospital office quickly to let our dog, Butters, out to potty and then driving back to the hospital, we had an appointment for an ultrasound. Amniotic fluid levels were within normal range. I was still leaking really slowly but we were sent to follow up with one more doctor who would likely be sending us home.

3:30 PM: We followed up from the ultrasound with midwife, Brittany, who was also fairly confident that we’d be sent home and it wasn’t my waters.

This is now 3 practitioners all saying “NOPE!” and me feeling extremely confident that they were wrong. In all this back and forth, time was passing making me and baby more at risk for an infection. I was getting really disappointed, worried and frustrated. All I can describe it as is instinctual. I know the tests were saying no but I knew I was right.

I think Brittany could tell that I was skeptical because she offered to run all 4 tests one more time. This time…

pH: Negative (previously positive)
Visual exam: Negative again
AmniSure: Negative (previously positive)
Ferning: Positive

Brittany came back into the room after a few minutes looking at the slide and said she didn’t see ferning at first but asked another midwife to look and that midwife DID see the ferning, pointed out the location to her and she was able to see it. THANK YOU MIDWIVES. Thank you for being willing to ask for a second opinion and for help. She sat down on the stool and scooched in close to us, asked us if we had our bags with us and told me I was right.

4 PM: We were checked in at the hospital, skipped triage, given a room and the midwife, Amanda, and student midwife, Kristy, came in to talk to us about induction. I spent 20 minutes on the monitor to see what my body was doing and I was contracting really regularly but they were so gentle that I couldn’t feel them. I asked for a cervical check before making decisions about induction meds and was 2 cm, 70%, -2 station.

LET’S HAVE A BABY!

I chose to do Cytotec (a pill to help the cervix along) for 4 hours and then start Pitocin. It was the Pitocin I was dreading all along. I asked every nurse and midwife if Pitocin contractions were as horrific as most people say and they all said no… LIES. I think they were trying to protect my psyche going into a long night.

Inductions, especially in first time moms can be extremely long and intensive.

9 PM: I skipped a cervical check, in agreement with the midwife, and started Pitocin. At this point, things that were important to me were freedom of movement and a quiet, calm atmosphere. Pitocin requires constant monitoring but I was able to be on a portable monitor with a battery pack that allowed me to stand, bounce and walk.

This was the first of the many moments where it wasn’t what I had hoped for or wanted but turned out absolutely fine! I stood for the majority of this time walking around or swaying and we talked and had great conversations with our nurses about their kids, their births and our infertility story. Contractions were starting to be noticeable but not painful.

I don’t have any pictures of me walking around and hanging out but I felt good!

FRIDAY, MAY 14

12 / 1 AM: We were moved to a room with a jacuzzi and I started to need to moan through some contractions but in general they were just uncomfortable. Every once in a while, they’d up the Pitocin attempting to make the contractions more purposeful and powerful. I labored in the tub for a while and then opted to get in the hot shower for about 20 minutes as well.

After the shower, I thought I should consider getting some rest since we’d been up since 4 AM on Thursday morning. Kyle and I both laid down and tried to take a nap. I wasn’t completely miserable but was still uncomfortable. I would have much preferred to be walking and swaying but I knew I needed to try to sleep.

This is where I sort of lost track of time.

EARLY MORNING: At some point the Pitocin had been turned up quite a bit, I think while I was sleeping. And I woke up really starting to feel the contractions. Within a really short amount of time, while I was still trying to sleep, I went from uncomfortable but going back and forth between knowing I needed to rest and wanting to be mobile and upright to gripping the side of the bed, laying on my side, breathing or moaning through each contraction.

I woke Kyle up very tearfully and made him come over and stand next to me just so I could see him. I don’t know the length of time but I very quickly started having nearly 2 minute long contractions with only 15-30 second breaks - not long enough to even change positions, talk to Kyle, gather my thoughts or process what was happening.

I am CONFIDENT that Pitocin contractions are horrific and worse than spontaneous ones for most women. The amount of pain was incomprehensible and I started to mentally feel like things were happening to me and around me but I was not a participant in them (if that makes any sense).

The midwife and student midwife checked in before their shift ended and I was 7.5, nearly 8 cm. They both commented on how fast that progression was considering I was a first time mom with an induction. By the time they checked back in for the last time, probably about 15 minutes later, I wasn’t able to moan or breathe through the contractions and had just started sobbing. I blame that on exhaustion - I’m a hard core tired crier.

At this point, I was still hesitant to move to medicated pain relief but I physically couldn’t move from that left laying position in bed. NOT WHAT I HAD WANTED. I was exhausted and felt defeated. I asked the midwife and my nurse, Bridget, to talk to me about an epidural. I told them they had to continue to talk while I cried and moaned - they were wonderful about this. They also turned the Pitocin down, finally.

The anesthesiologist came within 20 minutes and started the process which was difficult since I didn’t have a lot of time between contractions. It took a while for the epidural to settle in and I was able to top it off on a schedule with a button I could push myself (I think I did this 3-4 times).

Brittany, the midwife we’d seen the day before, came on shift again with the student midwife, Kristy, and let me know that I was 10 cm. Again, super fast progression for a first time mom being induced. I had some relief, we kept the epidural fairly low, I could think clearly again and I asked to labor down. This is often also called the “epidural slide”. This was THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME during labor other than delivering a healthy baby. Vaila had been PERFECT on the monitors the entire time with the exception of a few contractions during the time that the Pitocin was too high so it was encouraged and allowed. Laboring down, which is when you let your body passively move baby down and ready to be born without pushing, was incredible.

I spent time side lying with the peanut ball and on hands and knees on the bed. YES. YOU CAN DO THESE POSITION CHANGES WITH AN EPIDURAL IF YOU HAVE A SUPPORTIVE BIRTH TEAM WHO BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!

My biggest fear of the epidural was that I’d lose the support of my birth team when it came to movement and position changes. So many women are told they have to labor in bed, on their back, once they have an epidural.

Brittany let me labor down for an hour before she asked me to start to try to push. Kristy stayed for a few pushes and they brought in a squat bar. Julie, our new nurse, had been a midwife in the Philippines and she was marvelous about letting me follow my instincts but also guiding me through different positions I could try.

SOMETIME AFTER 8 AM: I pushed for 2-3 contractions in rotating positions, none of which felt effective whatsoever. I knew V was low and ready but the positions that I labored down in now felt ineffective. I think at this point my pushes were a bit… half assed. Kristy encouraged me to dig a little deeper, try a little harder and I pushed for a bit with a rebozo tied to the squat bar while I sat at the edge of the bed.

VERY CLOSE TO 9 AM: At some point, while squatting, Brittany mentioned they could see V’s head while I pushed and I asked if she had hair… YES! Then she and Kristy left to head across the hall for a delivery and it was just me, Kyle and nurse Julie in the room. Brittany mentioned that with first time moms, it could be 2-3 hours of pushing with baby at the same station. She’d be back later!

LOL

I think it was only a few minutes and I looked down at and saw Julie, who was on the floor while I squatted, had her phone out (they use them as pagers basically) and it said “EMERGENCY ON CALL MIDWIFE” on the screen. She said so calmly, “I’m going to need the on call in here as soon as possible, we’re about to have a baby”.

I looked over at Kyle and cried. If you’ve given birth and had that moment of badassery… this was that moment for me.

AFTER 9 AM: A bunch of nurses came running into the room in a hurry and I wish I knew how many pushes it was or how many minutes but honestly it was so damn fast. Tiffany, the on call midwife, came running into the room in a pink dress, her hair done, cute wedge sandals - she’d just arrived for her shift, the hospital provides their scrubs and she didn’t have time to change into them. She asked for a hair tie, kicked off her shoes, threw on a gown and climbed up under the squat bar with me and two nurses. Kyle said he thinks she was still barefoot when I delivered. MIDWIVES ARE AMAZING.

9:15 AM: They asked me to sit back or lift myself up a bit because they needed more room to deliver Vaila’s head. I think the epidural was turned down very low at this point so the pressure was too painful to put my butt on the edge of the bed so I laid slightly back with my feet on the squat bar and caught my own baby!

I could hear Kyle saying “Oh!!!” over and over again and I remember thinking how chunky and rolly she was!

Vaila Marigold
8 lbs 3 oz
9:15 AM
Friday, May 14, 2021

She stayed on my chest for most of my repair and I was able to nurse her right away. She loves to be held and is such a snuggle bug.

For an induction in a first time mom, everyone commented that my labor was fast. I am glad I got the epidural but because of resisting it for a long time and spending a massive part of early labor upright I do believe progression was quick thanks to that. Laboring down was the most amazing blessing and not being coached to push whatsoever the entire time was just what I needed. No one counted and everyone trusted me to push how and when I wanted. To some degree, I wish I had not been so afraid of the epidural and more confident in my birth team supporting my hands-off wishes with one. You can have both.

If I was to be induced again with Pitocin, I would opt to do the same exact thing again: labor upright with non-pharm pain management as long as possible, get an epidural when the “oh f*ck, I can’t do this anymore” hits, labor down with the epidural and push in different positions. It wasn’t at all what I’d planned but I would change absolutely nothing.

Vaila’s birth made me, weirdly… I know, excited to experience another. I’ve never felt so confident and powerful. It was a redemption of my trust in my body after losing so much of that trust because of infertility. She’s here. She’s perfect.

Birth breaks a woman down. Pushes her to collapse. Strips away all of her weakness until the process sweetly delivers her into the most beautiful being that ever existed… a mother. A mother who is fierce, strong, and brave yet tender and vulnerable. Who knows her limits because she was pressed to the very end of them bringing forward a tiny being that she would protect with her very life. - Mia Carr